Anger can be a force for good. But ongoing, intense
anger is neither helpful nor healthy. Here's how to get a
grip.
By Melissa Bienvenu
FROM THE WEBMD ARCHIVES
At one time or another, everyone feels anger bubbling
up. There's nothing wrong with that. Anger is common.
It's a normal response when you sense a threat or a
social or professional slight.
So, when the new guy at work gets promoted and you
don't, or when your spouse “pushes your buttons," it’s
OK to feel hot under the collar.
Some people have trouble turning it off or dealing with it
the right way, though. Chronic, ongoing anger can tear
down your relationships, job, social life, reputation --
even your health.
“Anger itself is neither good nor bad,” explains Mitch
Abrams, PhD, an anger management expert and
psychiatry professor at the Robert Wood Johnson
Medical School at Rutgers University.
Low to moderate anger can even work for good,
prompting you to right wrongs and make improvements.
But it also kicks your body's natural defenses into
overdrive. When you sense a threat, your nervous
system releases powerful chemicals that prepare you to
fight, run, and stay alive. Your heart rate and breathing
quicken. Your blood pressure rises, muscles tense, and
you perspire.
The problem is, chronically angry people spend too much
time in this hyped-up state. Over time, that puts too
much wear and tear on your body, making you more
likely to get heart disease, high blood pressure , diabetes,
high cholesterol , and other problems.
The rapid anger response also amps up your brain. On
one hand, it helps you quickly know a potential threat.
On the other, it can push you to make rash decisions in
the heat of the moment. It's no surprise anger is linked
to accidents and risky activities like smoking, gambling,
drinking, and overeating. Anger also plays a role in
depression . Also, studies suggest that holding it inside
may be just as unhealthy as blowing up.
At the least, unchecked anger can hold off the people
you need the most. Worse, it can turn into aggression or
violence.
“Nobody ever gets into trouble for feeling angry,” Abrams
stresses. “But people sometimes get into trouble for
what they do when they feel angry.”
Warning Signs
How can you spot an anger problem?
“When it occurs too frequently, when the intensity is too
strong, or when it endures too long,” says Howard
Kassinove, PhD, director of Hofstra University's Institute
for the Study and Treatment of Anger and Aggression.
He also co-wrote “Anger Management for Everyone:
Seven Proven Ways to Control Anger and Live a Happier
Life.”
Kassinove sees degrees of anger: annoyance, anger, and
rage. Occasionally feeling annoyed or even angry is
nothing to worry about.
“Most people report that they get angry once or twice a
week,” Kassinove says, “but people who rate high for the
anger trait become angry about once a day. Holding on
to anger for too long is another sign of trouble. We see
patients who are still angry at people who died years
ago.”
Looking closely at yourself can help. “People may ask
themselves, 'Am I alone? Have I lost jobs, lost friends,
lost family because of my anger?'” Abrams says.
In most cases, though, people are usually blind to their
own issues, he says. Denial is common, too. Usually, it’s
someone else who persuades them to seek help.
“Many people will say things like: 'There is nothing wrong
with me. Somebody else or something else is causing me
to be angry.'”
Kassinove agrees. “The first step is understanding that
anger is caused by how you interpret an event. No one
can force you to be angry," he says. "Once you
recognize that, you are in charge of your own anger.”
Tips to Tame Anger
Kassinove suggests these tips to adjust your thinking
and get off to a good start:
Instead of calling a situation “awful or terrible,” tell
yourself, “This is unpleasant.”
Avoid upsetting extremes like, “I can't take it.”
Instead, try the more realistic, “I really don't like it.”
Stay away from thinking someone “should” or “ought
to” act differently. “I wish she would act differently” is
a better choice.
Try not to use exaggerations like “always” or “never”
to describe how often something upsetting happens.
And judge the behavior -- not the person. (“That
driver is a jerk.”)
Other tips to handle anger:
When you feel rage coming on, slow down your
breathing and relax your muscles. That can stop your
body's “fight or flight” reaction that makes anger
worse, Abrams says.
Imagine a beach or other peaceful scene. Breathe in
and out with the tide, picturing your stress washing
away. The more you practice, the better and faster
these relaxation techniques will work in an
unexpected situation.
Quiet yourself with soft music. Instrumental and
nature sounds without words seem to work best.
Know what makes you mad, and plan your reaction.
“The earlier you intervene in the anger process, the
better. The key is to calm yourself down before you
explode,” Abrams says.
Finally, accept that you can't completely prevent it.
“Never feeling angry is not the goal,” Abrams says.
“Learning skills to control your anger is.”
Don't wait to get help from an anger management
specialist or program. Ask staff at a hospital, university,
or professional organization for a referral.
Credit: WebMD.com
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