Silent treatment is the refusal to communicate verbally with the one who is willing to communicate. It’s a way to inflict pain without verbally bruising-literally. Silent treatment is a way people show aggression passively, when a person is hurt or offended but doesn’t know how to express himself he uses silent treatment to get attention, show that he is hurt. Some people do this to get power over others by creating the uncertainty of how long the ‘silence’ will last.
REASONS FOR SILENT TREATMENT
1. Desire to manipulate or control
There is a natural desire to belong within each person. We want to be loved and to be accepted. One of the ways that people demonstrate that they accept us is by taking time to have conversation with us. If they choose not to talk, we may take it personal and our sense of self-worth suffers as a consequence. When somebody gives you silent treatment, they may be saying that you are not worthy unless you think, act and behave exactly as they want you to. They are determined to have their way and they are determined to withhold their approval (i.e via conversation) until you come around to their way of thinking.
2. When someone wants to inflict emotional pain
It’s easy to get over physical pain but not easy to get over emotional pain that comes as a result of prolonged silent treatment. If someone punches you on your face, that heals faster than emotional pain. Silent treatment inflicts an emotional pain that begins to make you doubt who you are. People who treat you this way are indirectly telling you that you are not good enough as you are. Even if you did nothing wrong, your natural inclination is to wonder what you did wrong. You begin to think that there must be something seriously wrong with you, you being to doubt and hate yourself.
If somebody is genuinely trying to inflict emotional pain on you, you really need to ask yourself why you allow them into your life.
3. When someone feels his is not being taken seriously
Silent treatment is a really childish behavior so using it in order to be taken seriously is ridiculous and you need to be careful that you don’t encourage it.
4. When someone doesn’t know how to communicate
When they have problem with something but don’t know to express that to you, they tend to keep you silent. Silent treatment is a sign that communication in the relationship has broken down. When you work on your communication, you are creating an environment where you both can be open and honest about your feelings. Communication is the tool you need to bring everything out into the open but you still need to resolve the actual issue once it has been revealed.
5. When someone doesn’t want to look like the bad guy.
One thing about silent treatment is that somebody who is remaining silent always looks like the victim. If Mr. K is not talking to Mr. M you automatically think Mr. M must have done something bad for Mr. K to stop taking to him. Silent treatment makes the bad guy look like the real guy.
Also we live in a world where everybody pretends to get along all the time and people see the outspoken guy as the bad guy, For example imagine poor services being rendered at the restaurant, and you are paying for it! He who disagrees Is automatically wrong etc . If speaking up makes you look like the bad guy, using silence as a weapon is a great choice, at least nobody will say what you said is wrong since never said anything. In this case silence can be used to show people that you know exactly what you are doing
HOW TO RESPOND TO SILENT TREATMENT
1. Dig deep into the whys of the situation
Never assume you know the reason for the silent treatment you are receiving, it worsens the situation by prolonging it. Its good to note that not everyone gives you silent treatment out of malice.
2. Never imitate what they are doing, Silence can never be a solution to the silent treatment. You can’t cure darkness with darkness! Always approach them in a calm and gentle manner. Talk about it but make sure you are not judgmental
3. Be ready to listen, do not interrupt when they are talking. Don’t lose control because silent treatment most times trigger anger.
4. Always remember that there is no winning or losing, its not a competition or a game, don’t play the blame game, resolving the issue should be your utmost priority. You should genuinely care about their feelings too.
5. Grudges can be devastating! Let go of your grudge, be ready to ask for and offer forgiveness! Let things go!
6. Be strong! Act as if you are unaffected by it even though you are, some people give silent treatment to get a particular reaction out of you.
7. A times it’s good to give people time and space for a while, get busy with other things
8. Address the issue later. There is the right time for everything, when a little time has passed, hostility will be reduced.
9. Seek advice from people, especially superiors. A times people help us organize our thoughts.
10. If its mentally affecting you over and over the best thing to do is to say goodbye.
11. Take care of yourself, don’t let silent treatment get to your head. Do not beat up yourself for not reading someone else mind
Never beg or plead, it might stop silent treatment for a while but it will come up again
Do not retaliate, it just escalates things
Do not apologize when its not your mistake, let people realize their own mistakes
Do not undermine yourself, you are not to be blamed for how others treat you.
Do not excuse the behavior, know that it’s unacceptable, you deserve an explanation.
Do not broadcast the issue, it escalates things
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